I've felt very much by myself lately. And yes, I know I hang out with my friends decently often, but the thing is that when I do, I feel like a third wheel. Almost an outsider. Eric came over this weekend just to hang out, and that was really nice. Made me feel remembered and maybe even a little appreciated. Jamie and Shawn, my married friends from work, just randomly called me up about a month and a half ago and said that they were going to come over and watch a pre-season football game with me. They don't like football, not even remotely. I don't think they'll ever really understand how happy that made me in that someone was willing to do something they didn't really care for for a few hours just for me, especially when it was just to sit on a couch and watch tv. But yeah, with Katie, Tony, Steele, and Cheri, they have their own thing. I've always felt like they were very close friends, but for awhile I've felt on the outside. Almost like I'm not very needed anymore. Now, I'm not stupid, I know they don't hate me or anything, I just feel on the outside. Started with everything that happened about two and a half years ago, and it's been tough on me ever since. Oh yeah, you get over it with time and all, but there's always that little part of your heart that aches when you walk into to that room and pretend like nothing ever happened. And you know what, it takes a man to admit that and to keep doing it.
I don't claim to be a great person. In fact, I'm probably mostly a dick, asshole, prick, etc. But you know what? I'm always there when anyone needs me. And I'll take a kick in the balls from you, let you bitch to me for a few hours, or stomach something you know I hate with every fiber of my being with a smiling face. Because that's what I do. I'm just there, even if nobody really cares.
I'm posting this song because I'd like to be close to everyone again. That's what it means. I don't want to be vague or mysterious.